Are You Giving Your Best Energy to the Wrong People?

Does this ever happent o you? You crush a full day, showing up for everyone, keeping it together, giving 100% — and then come home completely spent? You’ve got nothing left for your partner, your family, your friends, or even yourself. You go home and want to do absolutely nothing besides zone out, you have no more energy for the day.

You might be mismanaging your energy.

Most of us don’t realize how much energy we give away during the day, in small, automatic ways. It’s not the big things that drain us; it’s the little, constant ones. The polite laughter, the extra emotional effort, the checking in, the managing, the trying. We overextend without even noticing and by the time we get to the people we love most, our nervous system has nothing left to give.

The Subtle ways we leak energy

We know when we have big emotional reactions we feel drained. We underestimate how much we subtle leak energy all day because it's become so ingrained in some of us to act and respond for others benefit. Energy leaks are sneaky.

Here are some ways you might be unintentionally spending too much energy:

• Laughing harder than you actually feel.

• Smiling more than you naturally would.

• Overexplaining yourself or managing how others perceive you.

• Interacting more than necessary, filling every silence.

• Going out of your way to make small talk when you’d rather stay quiet.

• Over-empathizing or taking on other people’s moods.

• Staying “on” when you’re mentally ready to shut down.

• Responding more energetically than you feel.

None of these things are bad on their own but over time, they pull from the same energy pool you need to feel grounded, present, and connected to what matters most.

Authenticity says: "I am grounded in who I am"

Performance says: "I am scanning for who I should be"

Consistent Energy Comes From Regulation, Not Output

We often think the goal is to generate more energy, more coffee, more motivation, more pushing. But consistent energy doesn't come from adding more; it comes from regulating better. It's about how smoothly your system shifts between doing and being, when to lean in and when to hold tight.

Every time you’re overly engaged, socially, mentally, or emotionally, your body treats it like work. When you never give yourself time to reset between moments, you end up riding one long wave of overstimulation until you crash.

This does not mean you lower your performance standard, it means you stop offering your best energy everywhere but home.

A Quick Energy Check

Try noticing where your energy goes throughout the day:

1. Who or what tends to leave you feeling lighter and who consistently drains you?

2. How often do you pause between interactions, or do you jump straight to the next thing? Can you schedule self check in's on your calendar?

3. When do you feel most “alive” and when do you feel flat?

These answers can show you where your nervous system feels safe and where it’s overworking. I suggest intentional tracking for two weeks. Gather data and see for yourself. This is something that you can work on with your therapist as well.

Reclaiming Your Energy

Start experimenting with giving your neutral energy to most things and your engaged energy to the few that truly matter.

• Stay polite but don’t overextend.

• Be kind without performing.

• Practice silence without apologizing for it.

• Give your best attention to the people and moments that feel reciprocal, not obligatory.

When you stop giving your high-quality, emotionally engaged energy to every interaction, you’ll be amazed how much calmer and more connected you feel by the end of the day.

A Reminder, You Matter

You only have so many fully present moments in a day, don’t give them all away before you get home.

Your best energy doesn’t belong to your inbox, your clients, or casual conversations that go nowhere. It belongs to the people and spaces that bring you back to yourself.

Protect your energy like it’s your most valuable asset, because it is.

You don’t need to have less energy; you just need to spend it better.