This is not a "how to" manual so if you're looking to improve your gaslighting skills you are in the wrong place.
Welcome to the twisted world of gaslighting, where reality takes a detour and your emotions go on a rollercoaster ride. Gaslighting, which sounds like a villainous plot from a B-movie, is an insidious form of manipulation that can leave you questioning your sanity. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that undermines an individual's sense of reality, leaving them questioning their perceptions, memories, and overall sanity. This tactic can be in personal relationships, workplaces, and even within societal structures. In this blog entry, we will delve into the concept of gaslighting, its effects, and provide some examples to enhance awareness and understanding.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a term derived from a play and later a film called "Gas Light," where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is going insane by subtly altering her environment and then denying any changes occurred. The goal of gaslighting is to gain control over another person by making them doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Examples of Gaslighting:
1. Personal Relationships:
- Constant Denial: For instance, your partner may deny having said hurtful things or engaging in behaviors they clearly did, causing you to question your memory.
- Shifting Blame: When confronted about their actions, a gaslighter might turn the tables on you, making you feel guilty or responsible for their behavior or by bringing up a completely different and unrelated experience to deflect from the present situation.
- Minimizing Feelings: Gaslighters may belittle your emotions, dismissing them as overreactions or irrational, leaving you doubting the validity of your own feelings.
2. Workplace Dynamics:
- Withholding Information: A gaslighting colleague or supervisor may intentionally withhold information or exclude you from discussions, leading you to question your competence or importance in the workplace.
- Undermining Accomplishments: A gaslighter might downplay or take credit for your achievements, leaving you doubting your abilities and feeling undervalued.
- Creating Doubt: Gaslighters may subtly sow seeds of doubt about your work, leading you to question the quality of your performance.
3. Societal Gaslighting:
- Marginalizing Experiences: Society can gaslight certain groups by invalidating their experiences and narratives, causing them to question their reality and perpetuating systemic inequalities.
- Historical Revisionism: Gaslighting can occur on a larger scale when historical events or facts are distorted or denied, manipulating collective memory and understanding.
Do people who gaslight know they are doing it?
In some cases, people who engage in gaslighting may be fully aware of their actions and the manipulative nature of their behavior. They intentionally use gaslighting tactics to gain/ maintain control over others. These individuals may have a deep-seated need for control, superiority, or to maintain their self-image.
However, it is important to note that not all gaslighters are aware of their actions. Some may engage in gaslighting behaviors as a learned response or defense mechanism, often stemming from their own unresolved traumas or insecurities. They may be repeating patterns of manipulation that they experienced in their past, without fully comprehending the impact of their action on others.
It's also worth considering that gaslighting can exist on a spectrum, with varying levels of intentionality. At some time or another, I'm sure each one of us has intentionally or unintentionally done it.
The Impact of Gaslighting:
Gaslighting can have severe consequences on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. Victims of gaslighting often experience anxiety, depression, diminished self-esteem, and a loss of trust in their own judgment. Over time, the cumulative effect of gaslighting can lead to a distorted sense of self and a heightened dependence on the gaslighter.
What do you do if you are experiencing someone gaslighting you?
TRUST YOUR INSTINCT
Acknowledge your feelings and trust your intuition
EDUCATE YOURSELF
Awareness is the first step to changing anything. Learn about it.
SET BOUNDARIES
Establish clear boundaries with the gaslighter. Communicate your needs and assertively express what is acceptable and what is not. Personal opinion, if they are not intentionally gaslighting they'd be more willing to work on it. If you are met with repeated resistance - RED FLAG.
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